Every Conversation is Significant

How important is a conversation? You could say that some conversations are more important than others - a conversation with your spouse about your feelings is more important than your interaction with a store cashier. Right?

Sure. But, to decide which conversations are important squanders opportunity and can lead to broken relationships and unsuccessful careers. That was a pretty bold statement - let me explain.

You can affect everyone you meet.

Who did you interact with today? For me, my first interaction this morning was with the cashier at the gas station. Then, I taught a workshop at our La Jolla studio to about 20 people. After that, I called my wife in Germany. I went on a walk with our two dogs and had brief conversations with a few of our neighbors along the way.

How did I do? Not great:

• I was short with the cashier. She made me wait while she listened to a story from a coworker. I hate waiting. She made me wait. I didn't say anything rude to her but I wasn't pleasant.

• I taught a great workshop but didn't affect them. I did a fantastic job of teaching the material. For the most part, I didn't strengthen any of their self-confidence of excitement about photography.

• I was distracted when I spoke with my wife. I called my wife as I was cleaning up the studio and gathering my things. I was multi-tasking. She has been in Germany for a week and needed my attention and I didn't give it to her.

• I did small-talk with all but one of my neighbors. I had my two toy poodles with me. They're very cute so folks stop to pet them. I wanted to get my walk done so I kept it short with most of them.

I did have a couple of good conversations:

Pax: There was one aspiring photographer who came to my last workshop. I recognized her right away and told her that I was impressed that she was willing to spend another four hours with me learning. I told her that I could tell from her eyes that she was really connecting the dots. I could tell that her determination would lead to her being a good photographer. Her eyes got so big - she was beaming.

Elaine: She is a neighbor who knew my dogs but I didn't recognize. She had brought her large, 17 year old dog to the beach in a wagon so he could watch the sunset. I was touched by how much she loved her dog. I told her that I was impressed with her kindness. She was also beaming.

Why don't we act as if every conversation is significant?

The two significant conversations I had today made me feel so good. Why don't I do this with every interaction? I think there are a few reasons:

• We may not believe that we can affect everyone we meet. We may not view ourselves as someone in a position to build others up. Being a human is all of the qualification you need.

• The intimacy of real conversations is uncomfortable...at first. I think it's very easy and socially acceptable to participate in small talk. If you break that pattern and say something meaningful and real, you're making yourself vulnerable. It's easy to say, "How are you enjoying this weather?" It's harder to say, "I've noticed how consistent you are with your exercise. I just want you to know that you're inspiring me to be better."

• We aren't focused on it. I believe that I can affect others and am comfortable with being vulnerable. The truth is that I get distracted and forget this power I have. As I get more consistent with it, I know I'll improve my consistency.

Our relationships are built on conversation.

Think of the important relationships in your life. Every single one of them was built on conversation. Conversation is always the foundation for any relationship. Here's the important principle: every conversation matters.

Every single conversation with your spouse, children, coworkers and friends is important. There aren't any that are disposable conversations. We forget this. Every time I speak with my wife, I should be completely present and diligently look for opportunities to strengthen her and our relationship. I can't 'coast' through conversations. If there's one person on this earth that deserves this from me - it's Marci.

If we could see how many conversations we will have, throughout our lives, with our spouses, children, coworkers and friends - we'd likely be shocked at how few conversations we have.

Understanding that relationships are built on conversation will help us slow down and focus on what we're saying. If we have too many conversations where we forget this, it'll have an effect. I have to say, I see many conversations where it appears the two people have forgotten. If they string too many of these harmful conversations in a row, something's going to break.

A More Fulfilling Life

I'm not an expert at this. I plan on getting better. It's something that I have to think about every day. It helps to review the interactions I've had at the end of each day. It helps keep the principle top of mind.

As we improve at using conversation to strengthen others, our lives will become more substantial and fulfilling. Our relationships will be stronger. Most important, you'll help those around you. You might just brighten someone's day - or, you may change the course of someone's life. I guarantee this will change the course of yours.

#relationships #conversation